To Begin Again
by huntingforwitches
Summary: School bully Edward Cullen made geeky, chubby Bella Swan's teen years hell. Years later, Bella might have undergone a physical transformation, but old wounds are reopened when the two are once again thrown together and sparks fly. AH, Canon Couples, OOC.
1. Chapter 1

Song rec: Sunday Morning – No Doubt

"_I'm not Josie Grossie anymore!" – Josie Geller (Never Been Kissed)_

**CHAPTER 1**

"Come on, I really, really want to get to Twilight before the line gets too long!" Alice orders.

"I'm coming, hold your horses," I reply as I try to not trip over my feet in the ridiculous heels I have on.

"Well pick up the pace, woman," she retorts and turns to give me a cheeky wink.

"Stop being so bossy, Allie," Jasper, Alice's boyfriend of two years, drawls.

I give Jasper a thankful look before turning to my best friend. "You really only have yourself to blame, considering you practically forced me into these shoes," I say, looking pointedly down at the extremely tall black pumps I was currently struggling to remain upright in.

"Yeah, and thanks to me, your legs look even more bitching than usual!" she huffs.

"Bitching?" Jasper questions with a snort. "What does that even mean?"

"It means she looks fucking awesome," Alice replies without missing a beat.

I bite down on my lip, trying not to laugh at the two of them. They were great fun, and even though they were a couple, they never made me feel like the third wheel.

"Did Angie say she'd meet us inside?" I ask Alice.

"Yeah. Apparently with a bunch of people too, including this new guy she's been seeing."

"Oh, right … cool," I try to sound excited, really. But as per usual, long standing and deep seeded insecurity issues bubbled within.

You see, I, Isabella Marie Swan, always get nervous meeting new people, worrying how they will judge me – how they will see me. Call it a throw back from extremely awkward teenage years … And by 'awkward', perhaps I should paint a picture so one can better understand: Imagine a plain girl who was forty pounds overweight with thick glasses and unflattering baggy clothes for every occasion.

I may have eventually got contact lenses, lost around thirty pounds, and got a forced fashion make-over from Alice, but the insecure girl from High School was still often present on the inside, and I sometimes had a mini anxiety attack every time I had to meet new people, or basically, if I felt I was 'on display' in one way or another.

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Bella," Jasper says. Damn his perceptiveness. He's always able to read people like books.

"If they suck, we'll ditch them," Alice announces as we finally arrive at the club.

Thankfully, because it was still pretty early, the queue was still small. Not that it mattered, as Alice knew the bouncer, Felix, who let us in straight away. I let out a relieved sigh as soon as we step inside; it was so warm.

I look around carefully as I follow Alice and Jasper, taking in the club. I had been here before, but was pretty wasted, so I had never really taken the opportunity to properly look around. The place looked like it was going for classy, but kind of came off as a bit cheesy. I suppose it was a typical night club. But I had to admit that the high vaulted ceiling, large dance floor, decent music, and extra-long bar (with enough staff) meant that this place was really popular.

I was brought out of my musings when Alice excitedly pointed out Angela. We quickly made our way over to her and what looked like about three other people all seated on some blue velvet (_ugh!_) couches in the corner.

"Hey!" Angela exclaims over the music, a bright smile on her face. Angela was one of the kindest people I knew, and along with Alice, we had become close friends in college.

"Hey!" Alice and I both reply.

"So glad you guys could make it! Oh, and Jasper too! " Angela says before leading us over to the ugly couches where two guys and a girl were sitting and watching us. "So, I'd like you guys to meet Ben, Edward and Irina."

My eyes bulge slightly at the two guys in front of me. _Ben and Edward? What are the odds?!_

"Wait, Bella Swan?" Ben, as in Ben Cheney from Forks, the guy I was in the science club with. "Angie kept mentioning her friend Bella, but I never guessed it was Bella Swan!"

"Hi, Ben," I reply with a genuine smile. Ben was always nice, no matter how everyone else treated me. Speaking of which, my eyes darted from Ben to the other guy…

Not just any other guy, but Edward Cullen! _Fucking Edward Cullen, douche-bag extraordinaire and one of the banes of my high school existence…_

… Who was currently sitting there staring at me? Great, he's probably disappointed that he'll have to spend the night with someone who he wished wasn't even alive – his own words, thank you very much.

"You look great, Bella," Ben says, effectively interrupting the murderous thoughts that were now developing in my mind.

"Thanks, Ben, so do you," I reply sincerely. He really did look great. He had filled out and was no longer awkward and gangly looking teenager I remembered. It was like all the dorks from Forks got make-overs.

_Ha, dorks from Forks … _

"You remember Edward, right?" Ben asks, and gestures towards my high school nemesis who, funnily enough, was still sitting there staring like an open-mouthed fish.

I force myself not to grimace. _Do not let him get to you after all these years!_ I give a small polite smile. "Of course," I manage to force out and nod. That was as good as that arse was going to get. If I said any more, I was afraid I would tell him to fuck off.

"And his girlfriend, Irina?"

"Colleague, Ben. Irina is my colleague," Edward quickly corrects, his voice deep and smooth.

Irina looks at Edward with a notable raised eyebrow and then looked back at Ben and me before giving us all a tight smile. "Lovely to meet you all," she says.

_Okay, weird_. "You too," I reply before Alice and Jasper say their hellos.

Angela gestures for us all to sit down, while she sits next to Ben, smiling brightly at him. It didn't take a genius to work out that Angela and Ben were obviously really into each other. I remind myself to put in a good word for Ben. Knowing the two of them, they'd be great for one another.

Pulling out of my matchmaker musings, I unfortunately realise that by the time everyone else has sat down, I was left standing with the only vacant spot left next to Edward fuckface Cullen. I watch as his eyes dart from the empty seat to me, and back to the seat again.

_I was not drunk enough for this_.

I lean down towards Alice. "I'm gonna get a drink, do you guys want one?"

"Sure," Alice replies and quickly reaches for her purse.

"My shout, you two get the next round," I reply, stopping her.

"Okay thanks, Bella!"

I give her and Jasper a smile, straighten up and quickly turn around and make a beeline for the bar. As I stand in line I muse over the fact that I was stuck spending the night with Edward Cullen.

I couldn't stand him. He epitomised every bad high school stereotype there was; good looking, smart, athletic, rich family, and a total douchebag. Him and his little group of followers made my high school days a living hell. I mean, for fucks sake, isn't it ironic that I get anxious meeting a new group of people which _he _happens to be a part of – and he's the key reason for my underlying anxiety?

What the hell was I supposed to do? I really didn't want to sit next to him all night and 'play nice', but I don't think that I had much of a choice. I didn't want to be a drama queen either. Perhaps I could get drunk enough to spend the night on the dance floor and just ignore him? I let out a deep sigh, I _knew_ that I would probably sit there and tolerate him because that was the kind of person I was. Besides, I didn't want to make a scene …

_Be the bigger person, Bella_. Sure, I would be the bigger person, and not in the literal sense – like I had been in High School. I was going to be a mature adult about this. Show him that he means absolutely nothing to me. _Indifference is the best method_.

I finally made it to the bar and order myself and Alice our favourite white wine and Jasper a beer. Turning around, I make my way back through the crowd, back straight and shoulders back. _Pretend, pretend, pretend. You are a strong, confident woman, Bella. You are so much better than that girl in High School. You are so much better than him_.

My inner rant on repeat, I finally arrived back at our table, and whilst not surprised, I was still slightly dismayed that the seating arrangement had not magically altered in the time I had been gone. Putting on my best nonchalant façade, I hand Jasper and Alice their drinks and sat down on the couch, where Edward currently sat in the middle. Inwardly cursing because the couches were not that large, I pushed myself as much into the corner of the chair as possible, only just avoiding touching him.

"Hey," he greets.

I briefly glance at him, before looking away again, keeping up my perfect act of nonchalance. "Hey."

"How are you?" he asks.

I pursed my lips in slight annoyance. _Why is he still talking? The obligatory polite hello is over and done with._

"I'm great, thanks," I reply, hoping that my fake smile doesn't appear too much like a grimace.

He continues looking at me, and I remain silent.

"So …" he starts. "What have you been up to since school?"

_Okay, dude, you are weirding me out._

"Oh, you know, went to college, work … just like anyone else I suppose," I reply vaguely, feeling awkward.

"Really? What did you do at college?" he asks, and actually looks interested.

"Um, Journalism and Political Science," I reply.

"Cool." He nods. "So why haven't I seen you reading out the news on television?" He actually has a small grin on his face, and even though it wasn't the same malicious one he used to direct towards me in school, it still makes me nervous.

"Um, I'm more into reporting on current affairs … political issues … and you know, just writing. I mainly freelance," I splutter out, and sound like a complete idiot in the process.

"So, would I ever see you on 60 Minutes, reporting from Afghanistan or something?"

"Er … who knows?"

"Perhaps I should get your autograph now, so when you're famous I can make millions from it?" There was that smile again … perhaps he was on something?

"Ha, very funny," I reply dryly.

He shrugs and continues to look at me. I feel nervous. Biting down on my bottom lip, I look away and then back at him. Was I supposed to make more conversation with him now?

"So, um, what have you been up to?" I decide to be polite, the pathetic imbecile that I am. I ignore the small part of me that is actually curious.

"I'm a Doctor. Just finished my all my schooling and got a job in emergency at Northwest," he says, somewhat proudly.

I raise my eyebrows at him. "A doctor?" I question, and can't help the note of disbelief in my voice. I remember him being smart, but I didn't realise he wanted to follow in his Dad's footsteps, who just happens to be the Chief Doctor at Forks Hospital.

His smile doesn't even falter; it's like he doesn't even notice my rather incredulous tone. "Yeah, a Doctor."

I raise an eyebrow. "Really?" I almost want to slap my hand over my mouth at my bitchy tone. It's not that I thought he was stupid, I just didn't believe him for some reason.

"Yeah." He chuckles and looks down at the beer he was nursing.

"Well, that's great. Your father must be proud," I say, before internally cringing and wanting to slap myself at alluding to our weird shared past.

Yes, I know Edward's dad, Dr Carlisle Cullen, quite well. Being the head doctor at Forks Hospital, and the amount of time I spent there, the klutz that I am, as well as my own father being the Chief of Police, meant that we were well-acquainted. Carlisle, unlike Edward, was a lovely man and I recall during one of my many hospital visits wondering how such a lovely person could create the spawn of the devil.

He shrugs. "Yeah, well, it all worked out in the end," he replies, sounding somewhat cryptic.

_Okay_…

I take a gulp of my wine and was shocked to realise that I had pretty much drunk the entire glass. All this talking to former school bullies made me really thirsty, obviously. I look away from Edward, nodding my head slightly to the song that had just come on, one I happened to like a lot.

"So, Bella, um, would you –" Edward's question was immediately cut off by a loud squeal from Alice.

"Bella! Oh my god, it's our song! Let's dance!" She jumps up in excitement and holds her hand out towards me.

I completely ignore Edward, place my glass down and smile at my friend. "Sure!"

Alice grabs my hand tightly and leans in closely as we walk away from the lounges. "So, Bella, tell me all about this Edward." She winks.

I smirk at her and raise my eyebrows. "Remember how I told you a few times about a guy in school who made my life a living hell?"

Alice's mouth drops open. "No!" Her eyes dart slyly back to the group of people, before looking at me again in shock.

"The very same," I reply and roll my eyes.

We were in the middle of the dance floor before Alice spoke again. "Wow, I can't believe he's the same guy! Want me to go punch him?"

I laugh loudly. "No. He's really not worth it."

"Whatever you say! Just remember I will if you want me to!"

"Alright, Allie."

We continue dancing, and I purposely face away from our corner. Alice, however, was facing them and after a couple of minutes got a sly grin on her face.

"You know," she starts. "For someone who apparently hated you in school, he hasn't been able to keep his eyes off you!"

My back stiffens slightly and I feel my stomach drop at her words. Covertly, I look around and when my gaze finally reaches our corner, I quickly look away in shock and feel my cheeks heat in embarrassment. Alice is right, he's staring.

_I just can't understand why._

XXX

AN: So this story is loosely based on some real life happenings. As you can imagine, I am super nervous about posting it! It was really therapeutic for me to write this story, so I hope you all enjoy it! Thank you for taking the time to read. Reviews are loved and appreciated!

Ch2 Preview: The next chapter will be a flashback and give a bit of background to how Edward and Bella were in school.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** So, some background RE these two for Chapter 2. WARNING: Assward ahead … just sayin'.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, nor am I trying to make any money from this.

Song recs: Creep - Radiohead, F*** You – Lily Allen, The Pretender – Foo Fighters

"_Besides, the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part __we c__hoose to act on." Sirius Black (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)_

**CHAPTER 2**

_Grade Ten, Forks High School_

I walked by myself to the lunch room and my stomach rolled with anxiety. I really, really hoped that _they_ weren't already there and I could sit and eat lunch unnoticed.

As I walked through the cafeteria doors, my shoulders dropped even more when I realised that Edward Cullen, James Hunter, Mike Newton, and Tyler Crowley were already there. Oh well, hopefully they wouldn't notice me. I had almost made it through the lunch line when a voice carried across the entire lunchroom.

"Isabella! Isabella!"

At first I thought of ignoring the voice that caused my spine to stiffen every time I heard it, but then realised that they would just keep going until I paid attention. I turned around and briefly glanced at Mike Newton. When he realised he had my attention he gave his friends a nasty smirk before turning back to me.

"You're looking lovely today, Isabella," he says mockingly, and all his friends snickered around him.

I briefly look down at the baggy jeans and plaid shirt I haphazardly threw on this morning.

"So lovely," Mike continues, "that Ed here wanted to know if you'd go out with him!"

"Fuck off, man!" Edward stops laughing and was now glaring at his friends who all resembled cackling hyenas.

"Would you go out with Edward, Isabella?" Mike taunts. "Be Edward's _girlfriend_?"

My mouth drops open. What was he doing? Just as I decided to turn around and ignore them, Tyler pointed and laughed at me.

"Look, she thinks you're serious!"

The whole table – bar Edward – continues laughing, as well as most of the lunch line and the surrounding tables.

I quickly turn around, completely mortified, and pay for my lunch. I was ready to bolt and eat my lunch outside where even the crappy weather was better than sitting in the cafeteria and listening to them snicker.

It was just as I step past their table that I overhear Edward Cullen:

"Are you fucking serious, Mike? Don't even joke about me and that, that … _thing_!" he says, disgust lacing his tone.

At least this time I manage to hold the tears off until I was outside.

XXX

Later that day I shuffle into Biology, sitting down next to my lab partner, Eric Yorkie.

"Hey, Bella," Eric greets warmly. "Are you going to come to the yearbook meeting this afternoon?"

"Hey, Eric, yeah I'll be there," I reply as I push my glasses back up my nose and smile.

Suddenly there was a burst of laughter from behind us. Great, James Hunter and Edward Cullen - as if I hadn't had enough of them today after their little display at lunchtime.

"Hey, _Dorkie_," James calls out. "Why would you want her on the yearbook committee? As if anyone would ever want to talk to _her_."

Eric turns and gives me an apologetic look before turning to face the two boys behind us. "Leave it alone, James," he mutters; which I thought was pretty brave considering James Hunter was known to beat people up for saying less.

"Wow, sticking up for your girlfriend, Dorkie?" Edward interjects, causing James to laugh and high five him.

Eric rolls his eyes and turns back to the front. "Just ignore them, Bella."

I shrug and look down at my open notebook. What did it matter if I ignored them or not? They would still tease me anyway.

"Aw, how romantic," Edward continues. "The Dorkie and Loser _together_. Wonder what their kids will be like."

I turn around and glare at him. What is his problem?! I had never done anything to him or any of his stupid friends. Why the fuck did they make my life hell?

"What is your problem?" I hiss at him, voicing every ounce of my frustrations.

His eyes narrow at the look I am giving him. If I wasn't so sick of him at this moment, I probably would flinch.

"You were born," he replied. "That's _my _problem with _you_."

XXX

_Grade Eleven, Forks High School_

"Edward Cullen is an asshole!" Jane Volturi, one of my only friends at school, exclaims as she sits down across from me in the library.

I look up from the history text book I was studying and raise an eyebrow. "What did he do this time?"

"He turned around in Chem and asked me why Gianna had got so fat!"

Gianna was one of Jane's close friends, and had been going through a hard time ever since her boyfriend Marcus broke up with her.

"Wow, that's rude," I reply, feeling indignant and sorry for Gianna.

"Tell me about it," Jane huffs.

"So did you say anything back to him?" I ask.

She rolls her eyes. "I told him to mind his own business and can you believe it, he goes, 'oh so you think Gianna _has_ got fat?'."

"What an asshole," I mutter. _He really was. A psychopathic asshole!_

"I know. God, I hate him so much!"

Just then, we both look up as the devil himself walks past us with a smirk on his face. He had obviously overheard the entire conversation.

"You forgot one key part of the conversation, Jane," Edward says in a mocking voice.

Jane's eyes widen and his smirk grew wider at her expression before he turned to look at me.

"I asked Jane why Gianna had got fat … _just like Bella Swan_."

I felt all the air rush out of me and quickly look down, avoiding eye contact with him, the familiar prickle of humiliation crawling up my spine.

"Fuck off, Edward," Jane snarls. "Just _fuck off!_"

"Hey, I'm just being accurate," he replies with an innocent look on his face before giving me one last smirk and sauntering off.

"Asshole," I mutter.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Jane says.

"It's not your fault," I mutter.

_Besides, it's true, isn't it? I am fat …_

… _I just wish I didn't feel so worthless about it_.

XXX

_Grade Twelve, Forks High School_

I smiled as Jane and Gianna sat down in the desks near me in English.

"Hey, Bella, are you excited about Foo Fighters on Saturday?" Gianna asks with a bright smile.

"Yes," I replied brightly. "I can't wait!"

"My Mom said that I don't have to worry about curfew that night," Jane said.

"I'm staying at Emmett's," I reply. "He's at U-Dub, so he's got a place up there I can stay."

"Oh, that's so cool!" they both exclaim.

"You guys are more than welcome to stay as well," I say.

"Really? Your brother wouldn't mind?" Jane asks.

"No, in fact he suggested it would be easier. It puts Dad's mind at ease anyway."

"Oh awesome, I'll check with my Mom," Jane says as Gianna nods in agreement.

I open my school book but was distracted by a chair scraping as it turns around in front of me. I look up and note Edward Cullen looking at me.

He barely spoke to me now that I had a few friends who stood up for me; it was like I completely fell off his radar. _Thank god for small mercies_. I try not to blush at his close scrutiny. He was now the best looking boy in our grade and _all _the girls lusted after him. I didn't understand how they could still like him when his personality meant that no matter how physically attractive he was, he was truly ugly because of how hideous he was on the inside … well, to me, anyway.

"Foo Fighters, Swan?" he asks.

"Yeah?" I say, pretending to be indifferent even though my heart is beating a million miles an hour.

He leans over more. "So, you gonna go into the mosh pit?" he asks.

"Er, yeah?" I reply, puzzled.

"Really? Are you actually gonna go crowd surfing?" he asks, his face completely blank, but I saw the glint in his eyes.

I knew what he was getting at … yet another weight dig. I decide to just ignore him, so I look down at my school work and don't respond, thankful that no one around us is listening or paying attention to our little exchange. At least this humiliation isn't being broadcast across the school like so many others.

"Are you, Swan?" he asks again. "Why are you ignoring the question?" He sounds amused now, as I continue to ignore him.

I look up at him and roll my eyes. "Why do you even care, Cullen? What's your _obsession_ with knowing?" I raise my eyebrow at him.

His face drops at my insinuation and I smirk with satisfaction as the teacher comes in and forces him to turn around.

_I couldn't wait to be done with this hell hole of a school_.

XXX

_Summer holidays between Senior Year and College_

The job at the bookstore allowed me to indulge in my one true love: books, books and more books.

It's a slow Tuesday afternoon when _he _walks into the shop. _Urgh, Edward Cullen_. When I realise who it is I quickly look back down at the books I'm pricing, hoping that he eventually goes away or that I'm having some kind of nightmare and he's not really present in the bookshop.

What a fucking pain … My summer had been great so far, no run-ins with Cullen and his asshole friends, yet I knew that in a small town like Forks I had been running on borrowed time.

I couldn't help but be aware of him as he wanders through the store. No matter how much I hate him, and perhaps it's because of my hatred that I notice, but Edward Cullen had certain … presence. I suppose it's because of his good looks and confidence; something which I, as the awkward person that I am, could never understand but was always well aware of.

"Er, Swan?"

"Crap!" So lost in my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed him approach, I managed to drop one of the books I was pricing straight on my foot.

He looks down at the thick book which was now by my feet and then back up at me. "Ouch. That's going to bruise," he comments, though there's nothing malicious in his gaze, he just looks … blank.

_You'd like that, wouldn't you?_ "It's fine," I reply awkwardly. We stand there silently for a few long uncomfortable moments before I decide to actually do my job. "Er, can I help you?"

"I'm looking for these books," he says almost immediately, and thrusts a piece of paper practically in my face.

Gingerly taking the paper from his fingers, avoiding any possible physical contact –_ew_ – I look down at a list of names which includes Dan Brown, Stephen King, and Anne Rice and raise my eyebrows. _Hmm, quite the mix_.

"Er, they're for my Mom … it's her birthday next week," he explains, and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Okay well they're all popular, so we have them in stock," I reply and lead him down the aisle to the popular fiction section.

If it weren't for the CD player I had on you could have heard a pin drop …. As it was, you could probably cut the air with a knife.

"A bookshop that plays decent music …" he comments on the Radiohead album, like he was reading my mind or something, and nods his head slightly to the music.

"As long as it's not offensive, I'm allowed to play what I want," I reply without really thinking and shrug.

"_You_ like Radiohead?" he asks, and I cringe at the note of incredulity in his tone.

"Er, yeah," I reply with my best 'duh' tone and a bit of a sneer, before I shake my head. _Asshole_! What, just because he considers me to be uncool, I should have terrible taste in music?

I quickly get all the books from his list, thankful that I don't have to order any in and potentially deal with him more, before I quickly dart back tothe register, not caring to wait for him or check if he's following or not. Ringing up the order, I barely manage to read out the total before he thrusts his credit card in my face.

"Oh, wait," he interrupts, just as I swipe his card. "Er, do you have the latest Harry Potter in?" he asks, completely blank faced.

"Goblet of Fire?" I ask.

"Oh, is that what it's called?" he asks.

"Yeah," I reply dully.

"Oh, right. I, um, remembered that Tanya wanted it," he says, referring to the bimbo he was currently dating.

"Okay?" I reply. _Pretty sure that the only thing Tanya reads is the sex tip section in Cosmo, but anyway … _"There's actually a whole stack sitting right in front of you." I point to the books on display on the counter.

"Oh, er, right. Cool, I'll take this too ... For Tanya."

_Yeah, right_. How can such a douche like such great books? At this point, I feel like my love of Harry Potter is being corrupted by him even mentioning the name!

_Maybe he secretly modelled himself after Draco Malfoy or better yet, Voldemort?_

"Okay, no problem," I reply and quickly change the sale.

I can't get him out of the store fast enough; especially when he actually says thank you as I hand him his bag of books, the precious Harry Potter book sitting right on top.

_Now that's just fucked up!_

XXX

**AN:** So there you have it! I'd be curious to hear what your thoughts are on Edward especially. In my opinion, he's a mega douche - plain and simple ... even if he does secretly like Harry Potter (WHO WOULD KEEP THAT A SECRET - OMG!).

Thank you to those who have read, reviewed, alerted, and favorited my story so far. I'm overwhelmed by the response so far and really appreciate all feedback.

Remember, reviews earn Assward a kick in the balls ;)

Thanks for reading and see you next chapter (where we will be back in the modern day!).

Cheers

HFW


	3. Chapter 3

Hi, welcome to Chapter 3 :) I hope you all enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, at all.

* * *

Song recs: In Between Days – The Cure, Awkward – San Cisco

_The Geek: No! No, Jake. She's cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. She had a hissy. She thinks you're the cat's meow!_

_Jake__: Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper._

_(16 Candles)_

* * *

**Chapter 3**

"Edward Cullen?" Rosalie, Emmett's fiancée, questions. "Who is that?"

"Just a douche that Bella went to school with," Emmett replies and takes a swig of his protein shake.

"Wait, is that the guy—"

"Most probably," I reply quickly. Well, it most probably _was_ him … whatever Rose was about to ask about. She knew enough about my 'past' to attribute Edward Cullen to a few things.

It's Sunday morning, and I'm currently sitting in Emmett and Rosalie's kitchen while I wait for Emmett to get ready for the gym. Emmett had initially started out doing Sports Science at U-Dub, but had eventually dropped out and become an extremely successful personal trainer instead.

According to him, I was his crowning success.

Yes, after one too many times of complaining about my weight, and a Type 2 Diabetes scare, Emmett and I had embarked on a journey together. One that took two years of training, eating well, and learning to undo many years of bad habits. I would never be a Victoria's Secret model, but I was proud of my achievements. I was fit and healthy.

Sure, I still felt self-doubt (especially when I ran into certain jerks from my past) but I managed to not dwell as much as what I would have done in the past. I suppose I would always be a bit of a 'work in progress' on that front. Some habits and feelings were very difficult to let go of.

"What's his deal then?" Rose asks as she takes a heaping spoonful of the most sugary and chocolaty flavoured cereal you could imagine before shoving it in her mouth. _Devil's food, I tell ya_. Rose, who just happened to be eight months pregnant, did not care about the bullshit claims of "healthy" on the front of the package and proceeded to wolf the cereal down like she's never eaten before.

"Maybe he's over being a dick head," Emmett replies as he rinses his shaker and grabs his gym bag.

I shrug and roll my eyes. "Doesn't really change anything." In fact, it made it worse, the way he pretended like he was some kind of decent human being.

Yep, even after Alice and I returned from the dance-floor he had still tried to corner me several times to converse. It was weird and it made me suspicious. What was he playing at? What was his game exactly?

"Aw, cheer up, Bella, it's leg day!" Emmett mocks as he slings his bag over his shoulder and leans down to give Rose a kiss. Rose, however, was so intent on getting every last bit of that cereal that she merely grunts in response.

_How can someone still look like the epitome of glamour while she is a pregnant grunter? Life is not fair_.

"Can we not do squats today?" I whine. I really, really hate squats; hate them with the fire of a thousand suns.

"You say that every week, and you know my answer to that?"

"_Urgh_."

"Aw, come on! You're about the crack 180 pound mark! Do you know how awesome that is?" he asks.

"Yeah, yeah." Secretly I was a wee bit pleased about being able to squat that much. "See ya, Rose!" I yell over my shoulder as we leave their apartment.

"Don't forget milk, Em!" she yells.

"Love you too," he replies with a smirk.

"Aw, so domesticated," I mock as we step into the lift together.

"You know it, sis," he replies with a small grin. "Hey, do you think you can take Rose out sometime this week? She is getting pretty stir crazy now she's on leave."

"She's been on leave for less than a week!" I exclaim. Man, I would love to be on leave from my job … I wouldn't venture out into society for a whole week quite happily - think of all the books I could read!

"You know what Rose is like. She needs to be … busy," Emmett replies.

"Yeah, yeah, don't remind me." He's completely right, of course. By Rose's third month of pregnancy, she had already prepared the nursery for crying out loud. "Look, I'll invite her out for lunch or something."

"Awesome. She'll stop bugging me for at least a day then."

"Are you trying to put me off relationships?" I laugh.

"Nah, she's the best. But just because I love her, doesn't mean she doesn't occasionally annoy the shit out of me."

We're quiet again as we hop into Emmett's jeep and begin heading towards the gym. Emmett looks strangely thoughtful as I muck around with which radio station buttons.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asks suddenly.

"Hmm?" I ask, pretending to not know what he's talking about. Nonchalance has always been my protective shield … pretending not to care, pretending that I have no idea what Emmett is asking; pretending that nothing really affects me, even though sometimes I feel like I notice every little thing.

Emmett sighs. "You know what I'm talking about. Cullen."

I let out a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Look, I know how much shit he gave you in school … I know you think you hid it well. Well, you might have from Mom and Dad, but not me."

"It's all in the past," I reply.

"Bella," he pauses, "I can tell it's affecting you. You're not your usual self this morning … you're fixating on it, on him. You know, it's cool to be pissed off. We'd understand."

"Yeah, but what's the point?"

Emmett shrugs. "What's the point in pretending?"

"Touché." I smile at him. "It just confuses me and pisses me off."

"His behaviour?" At my nod, Emmett smirks. "I actually feel sorry for him."

My mouth drops open incredulously. "_Why_?"

Emmett turns and gives me a quick glance, his gaze frustratingly knowing, even though I have no idea what he's being so knowing about. "Eh, it's a guy thing, Sis. Maybe one day you'll understand … let's just channel that rage into a good session, huh?"

I roll my eyes and slap his arm. "Douche," I mutter.

_Besides, why on earth would anyone feel sorry for Edward Cullen?_

XXX

"Edward Cullen was asking about you," Angela says the minute her and Alice sit down across from me for our usual mid-week lunch catch-up.

"Hi, Angela. Hi, Alice. How are you both today? I'm great, thanks! Oh, except for the news that North Korea is threatening to fire nuclear weapons this week –"

"Hardy ha, ha," Alice says, an amused smile on her face.

"And I have to get a massive feature done on said country and their illustrious new leader, Kim Jong-un," I continue, ignoring Alice.

"I thought it was Kim Jong-ill?" Angela asks.

"Er, no, that's the old one," I replied. "This is the new one; the prodigal son."

"Right … it's lucky you're here to educate us, Bella!" Angela says sarcastically.

"Well, since you've been dealing with all this serious political stuff, we should have a nice and fluffy lunch," Alice declares.

"If it's to talk about who I think you want to talk about, I don't consider it light and fluffy at all. More like vomit inducing," I reply dully.

"What's your problem with Edward, Bella? He seems really nice, and he's gorgeous!" Angela says.

_Crap_, I realised that Angela didn't know who Edward was … well, know that he was the asshole who I bitched about sometimes in college.

_Sometimes? More like a lot_.

_Shut up, brain!_

"Ange, remember 'he who shall not be named' from Bella's high school days?" Alice whispers.

Angela's eyes bulge in realisation. "Him?!"

This talk, explanation and subsequent reaction was actually getting really old for me now. "Yeah, that guy," I reply with some annoyance lacing my tone.

"Oh, come on, Bella! Aren't you curious then about what he wanted to know?" she reasons quickly.

I pour extra soy sauce on my sushi. "No," I reply shortly.

"Liar. You're a journalist, you're always curious," Alice replies.

"About the news, Alice," I say. _This is more like some kind of sleazy E News story. _I'm way too high-brow for crappy celebrity gossip, by the way.

_What about those online blogs you religiously check? _

_Shut up, brain._

"This _is_ news!" Angela exclaims.

"As Alice said earlier, I am the journalist, therefore I decide what is newsworthy or not. Edward Cullen is not newsworthy." At the sound of both girls huffing, I smile a little.

"Well, _I'm _curious, Angela. Tell _me_ what he said. Bella will just have to stew in the vicinity of our conversation," Alice says.

"Ugh," I huff, and keep my head down, munching on my sushi.

"Thank _you_, Alice," Angela replies. I knew if I looked up from my lunch Angela would totally be side-eyeing me right now.

"So, Angela, what did Edward Cullen ask?" Alice continues, obviously enjoying my discomfort a little too much.

"He asked about Bella, of course," she replies.

"What did he ask about Bella?" Alice's tone was syrupy sweet.

"You guys are so fucking annoying," I interject and roll my eyes.

"Hush, you aren't involved in this conversation, Bella," Alice admonishes me. "Proceed, Angela," she demands.

"Thank you, Alice. What I was saying was Edward was asking about our Bella. Specifically, if she was seeing anyone—"

Angela was interrupted by me choking on my sushi.

"Oh shit, are you okay?" Alice asks, pushing a glass of water towards me.

"Fine," I manage to wheeze out. "What the _fuck_, Ange?"

"I didn't really leave any build up, did I?" she asks, only looking a little bit sorry.

"No, I mean why the fuck would he want to know that?" I ask, after taking a large drink of water.

"I told you he couldn't stop staring at you all night," Alice says while Angela shrugs in response.

"Alice, what happened to wanting to punch the guy for me?" I huff.

Alice shrugs. "I just really want to know!"

"Fine. What did you tell him?" I ask.

"Well, to be honest, I didn't get a chance to answer him because his little gal pal – or should I say 'colleague'," she imitates his deep voice and we all snicker, "demanded that she was tired and wanted to go home."

"Oh, this is too good!" Alice exclaims and claps her little hands together.

I raise an eyebrow at her.

"He likes you, and yet he was such an ass to you … oh, this is just too, too good! Think of the revenge you could have, Bella!" Alice's eyes gleam a bit too brightly at that last sentence. Angela and I eye each other wearily at the way Alice is currently vibrating with excitement.

"Calm down, Sprite," Angela says, amusement lacing her tone.

"Ugh," I mutter, not really able to wrap my head around what they were saying. This was ridiculous. If what they were insinuating was true … no, I couldn't even think it without wanting to curl up into a ball in the corner. "There has to be some kind of mistake," I finally say.

"Oh, there was no mistake," Angela replies. "Ben even said he's been asking him to find out."

_Poor Ben! _"So I guess he knows I'm single then?"

"Yeah … sorry, Bella!" Angela says and actually sounds apologetic. "Besides, I didn't realise that he was _that_ guy until now so …"

I sigh. "It's fine, Ange, don't worry about it."

"What are you going to do, Bella?" Alice asks.

"Absolutely nothing," I reply.

_Because all of this is really, really ridiculous. Honestly!_

XXX

"I say you fuck him—"

"Rose!"

"You didn't let me finish," she said. Her bitch-brow raised at me. _Ouch_.

"Fine, do go on," I reply, and roll my eyes.

"I say you fuck him … and then never speak to him again."

"Rose!"

"What? Give him a taste of his own medicine. Revenge is sweet, yadda, yadda, yadda," she says as she bites into one of the biggest burgers I have ever seen.

"I can't do that," I mutter. "Even if he was … interested, I've never been able to have one-nighters …"

"Yeah, yeah, Bella Swan, the consummate relationship girl," she says and almost sounds disappointed.

"Says the woman about to have a baby," I reply and smirk.

"Yeah, I made the exception with Emmett. I wasn't going to get married until I was forty and you know that."

"Yeah, yeah I know." I had heard this story many times before from Rose. The determined, career woman in advertising who never settled down, and then Emmett had popped up out of nowhere and now they were having a baby. Rose liked to refer to her MO as 'not falling for any old schmuck'. I liked to tease her that she had fallen for the biggest schmuck of all, _my brother_. Ha!

"Anyway, Bella, haven't you ever wanted to let off some steam? You know, no strings attached? It's been ages since Riley left Seattle."

I let out a big sigh. It had been at least nine months since my ex-boyfriend Riley left to Asia for his dream correspondent job with CNN. We had dated for just over a year prior to that and parted on amicable terms … I wasn't going to let him give up on his career dreams for a relationship. Besides, as much as I had liked Riley at the time, I since realised that he wasn't 'the one'.

But it had been nine months without sex, well, sex with a man – I do own a very good vibrator – because like I said, I didn't do the whole one-night thing. And if I was going to 'break the drought', I certainly wouldn't take Rose's advice and make it with Edward Cullen, who was apparently asking my friends about my relationship status. That was just too weird to think about, however I couldn't _stop _thinking about it.

I would never admit it to anyone else, but I might have been slightly obsessing over it.

_Just slightly?_

_Shut up, brain._

Well, who could blame me? Considering our past, and the fact he was asking about my single status was making me obsess. Was I missing something? Was this part of some elaborate plot to make me go crazy?

Was I a loser who needed to get a life and stop obsessing?

_Most definitely_.

_Seriously, shut up, brain._

"Look at you, you're obsessing," Rose helpfully observes and I roll my eyes at her. "If it were me, I'd just get him out of your system."

"I'm not you."

"No, you spend far too much time over-analysing everything in your life to be remotely like me," she says.

"Hey—"

"It's true, Bella. Admit it. Maybe you're obsessing because you wish you had some closure on what happened in school?"

"I'm sorry, I thought you majored in advertising, not psychology, Rose," I reply.

"It doesn't take a shrink to know what you need to do," she says smugly.

"And what's that?"

"Get him out of your system … a confrontation screaming match or a revenge fuck … whichever direction you choose, Bella, it's up to you. He can't go from asshole to nice guy and leave you sitting in the middle. It's a cluster-fuck, that's what it is."

"I couldn't agree more with that, Rose. I couldn't agree more."

Maybe I needed to confront him. Yes, if I ever saw him again, I would confront him and sort this shit out once and for all. Then everything could go back to normal.

XXX

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**AN**: Sorry, no Edward this chapter! He will be back for the next one though. What do you think of Bella? How would you react to such a situation?

Thank you to all who read, reviewed, faved and alerted this story! I'll say it again, that the response makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! *hugs* to you all :)

See you next time, thanks for reading.

Cheers

HFW


	4. Chapter 4

Hi, welcome to Chapter 4 :) Enjoy!

Standard disclaimer is that I don't own it.

* * *

Song recs: Instant Crush – Daft Punk feat. Julian Casablancas, Crying Lightning – Arctic Monkeys, So Here We Are— Bloc Party

"_Patrick: Hey there, girly … how you doin'?_

_Kat: Sweating like a pig actually and yourself?_

_Patrick: Now there's a way to get a guy's attention, huh?_

_Kat: My mission in life. But obviously I struck your fancy so you see it worked … the world makes sense again." – 10 Things I Hate About You_

* * *

**Chapter 4**

I hit send and sit back in my office chair and sigh. An article I had been slaving over all day was finished and off to the Editor, which means that I can finally go home. I look at the time on my computer and groan when I realised that it's almost seven at night.

_It's definitely time for home and reruns of Seinfeld_.

Just as I'm closing my handbag my phone beeps with an incoming message. I reach down into my bag, cursing the size of it and wondering why I bought it in the first place …

_Because you own a lot of shit that you think you need to carry around all the time._

_Shut up, brain._

I grin when I see a message from Alice:

'_Last min drinks 2nite tap house. U in?'_

Well, I would love something alcoholic after staring at a boring computer screen all day. I look down at the casual Friday ensemble I have on: black skinny jeans, black Chelsea boots, and blue V-neck sweater … and considering it's a pub, I was acceptable. I quickly messaged Alice back telling her I would be ten minutes.

When I finally walk into the pub I wasn't surprised to see how busy it was. Standing on my tip-toes I look over the crowd until I finally spot Alice waving madly from a table in the corner. I was so amazed that she was able to find a table on such a busy night that I quickly bee-line towards it, not even noticing who she was sitting with. If I did take time to look at the other table occupants I might have quickly turned around and high-tailed it out of there.

There sat Alice, Jasper, Ben, Angela … and Edward Cullen.

_Urgh, was this going to become a … thing?_ _Goddammit, they were my friends first!_

I put on the best fake smile I can manage, hoping I don't look like a maniac, before sitting down next to Alice. Thankfully I was not sitting next to Edward. I can't help but recall the conversation I had with Rose the day before. Perhaps I just need to confront him on his past behaviour, let it out in the open and then hopefully move on.

"So glad you made it!" Alice greets enthusiastically before leaning in to whisper, "Sorry, I didn't know 'you-know-who' was coming. I guess he and Ben are close."

I shrug, pretending to focus on getting my wallet out of my handbag while sending a covert glance towards Edward and noting – with relief – that he seems to be in deep conversation with Ben and Angela.

Taking the chance, I lean back over to Alice. "Don't worry about it. I can be in the same room as him, you know."

"Good. I don't want it to be awkward for you," she replies, and places a comforting hand on my forearm, giving me a soft smile.

"I know, and it's all good." I smile back at my best friend, who always, _always_ knew what to say that would make me comfortable. It had been that way since we were first roomed together in college.

"What are you two whispering about," Jasper asks, leaning over and giving us both a teasing smile.

"Bella was just telling me the latest office story, you know that Crazy Di—"

"There's a new Crazy Di story?" Jasper asks, shocked. "And you wanted to keep this from me, why?"

Goddammit, Alice! A great save, but now I have to try and think of a Crazy Di story on the spot! And I know there's plenty … but gah!

"Who's Crazy Di?" Ben asks from across the table, meaning that everyone's attention is now focused on me. _Crap! _I didn't need a mirror to know that I was blushing; I could feel my face flaming.

"Crazy Di is Bella's work nemesis," Alice announces.

"So what's the latest?" Jasper prods before Alice could go into an in-depth explanation of my hatred of all things Crazy Di.

Well, there was one story I hadn't told them that happened on Monday that I suppose would suffice. "Well, the Editors had a really important advertising client in the office for a meeting. Crazy Di's office is right near the conference room; you have to walk past it to get there. Anyway, the meeting finally ended and all the bosses walked out and there's Crazy Di, sleeping at her computer-"

"Oh my god!" Angela exclaims.

"And she wouldn't have got caught if it weren't for the really loud snort-like snore she did right as the bosses walked past," I add with a laugh.

Jasper cracks up laughing, as did the rest of the table – including Edward Cullen. I was somewhat offended that he thought my joke was funny.

_That makes no sense whatsoever_.

_Shut up, brain_.

"What an idiot!" Ben says through his laughter.

I smile, momentarily forgetting my annoyances. "What makes it worse was that Crazy Di yelled at all of us later on for letting her 'take the fall'."

"Fucking Crazy Di," Jasper says with a big smile on his face. "What will she do next?"

"Hopefully not block the toilets again … that was horrific last time," Alice says and laughed at my disgusted expression.

"You are not the one who had to experience it first hand, Alice," I mutter, visibly shuddering at the memory.

"You're right, my entertainment is all thanks to you, Bella," she says.

"Hey! You're without a beer! Simply unacceptable!" Ben randomly announces as he points to me.

"Oh, I was just about to get one," I say as I hold my purse up and stand up.

"Um, I'll get it," Edward Cullen quickly offers.

Everyone at the table looks at him, and he kind of looks awkward because he jumped up from his seat really quickly.

"What would you like?" he asks me directly and I find it difficult to meet his intense, green gaze.

"Oh, er, I'm not sure … how about … erm …." I trail off, thinking. Well, there are a lot of beers to choose from in this place.

"Can I surprise you?" he asks, with a small smile.

I immediately picture him handing me a poisoned beer, or one with lots of laxatives in it or something. _Don't be stupid, Bella! _

"Okay, sure." I give him a tight, polite smile.

He leaves and I sit down, realising everyone is sitting and talking and I immediately relax.

When he finally gets back with a beer he leans down and places it in front of me. I try to make nothing of his sudden proximity, but I can't ignore the scent that immediately engulfs me …. It's like nothing I've ever smelt before, and I'm sure I detect hints of bergamot and spice and … man. It makes me sit up straighter and I feel my cheeks warm .

"Try this," he murmurs right near my ear and I'm pretty sure goosebumps just travelled across my neck from it.

I hate that I am so responsive to him, that he affects me like that. My brain immediately justifies that it's understandable; it's hard not to be aware of him, considering our past.

I realise that he's still standing there while I've been off in fantasy land. I quickly grab my purse.

"How much do I owe you?" I ask.

"Nothing," he replies.

I raise an eyebrow. "You don't need to do that."

He shrugs. "I know."

"Okay … well, I suppose I'll get the next round then."

He bites down on his lower lip as a look of slight amusement crosses his face. "Okay." He shrugs and goes and takes his seat while I turn my attention onto the beer in front of me. The lid has already been removed, causing a small part of myself to immediately imagine him spitting in it or something – yes, I know that's ridiculous. My gaze meets his and he nods towards the beer.

I pick it up and take a tentative sip and am immediately pleasantly surprised. The beer is smooth, with a distinct honey flavour. I look down at the label and a small smile crosses my face.

"Beez Neez?" I question.

"It's great, isn't it?" he says from across the table.

"Yeah," I reply, and it really is. "This is an Australian beer," I say as I continue reading the label.

"Yeah, I discovered it when I spent a summer there in my early twenties."

"In between becoming a doctor?" I question and look up at him.

Edward looks down and rubs his neck. "Yeah …"

For some reason, which I won't deconstruct until much, much later, I decide to throw him a bone. "I've always wanted to go to Australia." I look down at the beer bottle in front of me, unable to meet his gaze as I struggle with the polite question. "What was your favourite part?"

I make the mistake of peeking back up at him. The smile he gives me, I'm disgusted to report, is no less than brilliant.

XXX

My head is fuzzy from far too many beers – none of which I've paid for, mind you. Every time I tried to buy one myself, the guys at our table somehow managed to beat me to it.

Jasper and Alice have just left, and so it's me, Ben, Angela … and Edward Cullen. And now Edward Cullen is sitting next to me, and I keep calling him by his full name whenever I have to speak to him. Which seems to be quite often, because Angela and Ben are being disgusting like every new couple is.

_Hmpf_.

But back to calling him by his full name. It seems to really bug him, which is, in my drunken opinion the sneakiest and cleverest thing ever.

"Edward Cullen," I begin.

"Bella, just call me Edward," he says for the fiftieth time.

"But it's your name."

"Um … yeah …."

"So what's the problem?" I ask.

"It's weird," he says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because you know me," he says.

"Do I?"

"Yeah …"

"How do I know you, Edward … Cullen?" I snigger because I am so fucking clever, right?

He sighs, and I almost miss the amused look that crosses his face as he looks down at his drink. "Er, we went to school together, for one."

"Ah yes!" I exclaim, pointing a finger in the air for emphasis. "I thought you totally forgot about making me feel like the ugliest person alive."

"I don't think you're ugly," he replied quickly and I note the look of amusement is gone.

_Oh, bother_.

"You might say that now, but in school you would have never said that," I say. I find that because of the alcohol my words are slipping out faster than my brain can actually process what I'm saying. But hey, Rose told me to confront him, and I finally have the courage to do so. What better time than now, right?

"I'm … Bella …I need to—"

Even drunk I know I can't listen to him. I look at him, and his lips are moving and I can hear words, but I can't really hear it or make sense of it, because none of it means anything to me.

"I need to go home," I say suddenly, interrupting whatever Edward was trying to explain.

"Yeah, Ben and I need to get going too." Angie and Ben finally come up for air and look at us as if they finally realise that yes, two other people are sitting at the table too.

"Right," I say, standing. "Marvellous to drink with you all." I lean down and give Angie a kiss on the cheek, before standing again. "I'll see you next week?" I question her and she nods and smiles. "Awesome. Well bye, Ben, Edward." I give a small wave to the two men; Ben waves with a smile and Edward looks a bit grim.

"I'll walk you to your taxi," Edward announces.

"That's really not necessary," I reply.

"Yes, it is," he replies quietly so only the two of us can hear and I scrunch my eyebrows at his stern tone. "I'll just go to the bathroom and then we'll head off."

_We?! Um, excuse YOU_.

I cross my arms. "You do that." If he knew me at all, which he doesn't, he would realise that I just agreed _way too easily_.

"Good," he replies and turns towards the bathrooms.

I smile widely at how utterly clever I am, give a final wave and farewell to Ben and Angela before strutting out of the bar.

_Jokes on him, I don't even need a taxi!_

I even chuckle at the taxi queue as I begin walking down the street. Just as I'm about to cross the street, I hear footsteps – someone is running – behind me.

"Bella!"

_Oh bother_.

I stop and look up at the sky. _Why do you mock me?_

He's standing beside me in no time, and is giving me the same stern look he was giving me earlier.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Um, going home," I reply as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"The taxi line is over there," he points a finger towards the line across the street.

"I'm not taking a taxi."

"But we spoke about this," he says, looking confused.

"No, you just assumed. I never said I was taking a taxi," I reply a bit too smugly,

"So, you're walking now?" he sounds incredulous.

"I always walk …"

"What, alone? And the others just let you?"

"Edward Cullen, I only live two blocks down that way," I say as I point down the street.

For a minute his face drops as realisation dawns. But then he scowls again. "You still walk alone?"

I huff. Where did he get off acting like my Dad? Next thing he'd be handing me some pepper spray … '_just in case' _– just like Charlie would. "Considering the boxing classes I take, I'm sure I'm more than capable of taking care of myself."

He stands there, looking at me but not saying anything. I begin to feel uncomfortable at his quiet scrutiny.

"If that's it, I'll see you later," I say, mainly to break the weird silence and start to walk backwards, still looking at him. "Bye, Edward Cullen." I turn and start walking.

"Wait!" Footsteps follow and Edward is beside me again. "I'll still walk with you."

"You don't have to."

"I know … but my mother would never forgive me if she found out," he says with a small smile and shrug. "So what can you do?"

I don't respond, and we walk in silence for at least a block. I can feel myself sobering up and was now craving nothing but a cold glass of water and my bed.

"Bella, I want to—"

"Urgh," I groan, cutting off his polite tone of his.

"What?"

"Stop … _this_," I exclaim and gesture wildly with my hands. "Stop your apology right there!"

"How did you—"

"Call it women's intuition," I reply sarcastically.

"Oh …"

"Look, I don't know who you are and what you've done to the former title holder of the meanest boy at Forks High, but seriously … just stop."

Edward frowns and I sigh loudly, wrapping my arms around my waist.

"Why can't I?" he asks.

"Why can't you?" I was incredulous and feel myself become slightly hysterical. "What, so you want to discuss this less than a block from my place? Have it all sorted out and tied up with a neat bow by then? You think a simple 'sorry' makes up for what you put me through? You think that acting all pleasant and," my voice hitches slightly, "like you didn't make … you didn't make …" I sped up and pulled away from him as I felt tears threaten to fall.

_Why, why do I have to cry? Fucking alcohol!_

"Bella, wait!" he calls out, which only makes me walk faster. I look upwards, hoping the action keeps my traitorous tears at bay.

I flinch as I feel an arm on my shoulder.

"Bella, just wait …"

I instantly move away from his touch and quickly swipe the moisture from under my eyes, hoping that my eyes aren't red.

"I just want to make things right," he says and I look back up at him and watch as he nervously runs a hand through his hair, making it even messier.

I don't understand. I can't understand. How could he just waltz back into my life and apologise so easily and that was that?

_It's not fair_.

"What?" he asks.

I cringe, not realising I had spoken that last bit out loud. But then I just feel angry. "It's not fair," I repeat firmly.

"I—"

"_No_. Just don't! You can't just say a simple sorry and make it all better, Edward!"

"Well … what can I do? Tell me, Bella."

I shut my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Tell me how to make it better," he murmurs.

I look at him and he looks so sincere. But I can't reconcile this at all. It still makes no sense. _And it still isn't fair_.

"Just …" I take a deep breath. "Just leave me alone, Edward. Just forget about it, okay?"

"What … no. No—"

"Yes!" I cut him off. "Yes," I repeat much more quietly. "Look, we'll be civil in social situations … but please, just stop trying to be nice, stop asking about me … just stop."

I turned towards the door to my building.

"I don't accept that," he says. "Bella," he calls out and I slowly and reluctantly turn around.

"What?" I ask, sounding about as tired as I feel.

"I can't accept that."

I raise my eyebrows and sigh loudly. "Well good for you, Edward Cullen. Luckily, for me, the world does not revolve around what you do and do not accept. Now, do you know what I would really like? For you to _leave me alone_."

He just stands there and I cringe at the look on his face, like I just kicked his puppy or something. No, I will not feel bad about this at all.

"Can we at least talk about this?" he asks. "Can I at least apologise?"

I look up at the sky and fight the immediate urge to tell him to fuck off. For some reason, I choose this time to remember Rose telling me to at least have some sort of closure with the guy … and the only way I'll get that is if we talk.

There is also a small part of me that is morbidly fascinated with what he has to say.

"Fine," I finally reply and am immediately annoyed at the way his face brightens. "But not right now," I quickly add.

"When?" he asks.

"I don't know. I haven't decided. _If_ I decide."

"Okay." He looks down and shoves his hands in his pockets.

"I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk."

"Okay," he repeats. "Thank you, Bella."

_Urgh, can he stop being so nice. It's just not right._

"Er, sure, Edward. Well, good night."

He looks as though he is about to say something, pauses and then gives me a small smile. "Sure, Bella, good night and sleep well."

"You too," I say quickly and run into my apartment before I can say anything more or give him anymore allowances.

And as I make my way up to my apartment, get ready for bed, and then proceed lay in bed – sleep completely evading me— I justify that I can't stop thinking of Edward Cullen because I am finally going to get the confrontation I so rightly deserve, and there is no other reason to it than that.

XXX

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**AN: **Thanks for reading :) Edward's still kind of annoying, huh? Hmm, I wonder what chapter I'll get to where I don't want to accidentally pour something hot on his crotch.

Thanks and reviews are appreciated!

Cheers

HFW


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: **Hi all, chapter 5 is here and feeling alive! Seriously though, it's much longer than I intended ... oh well, more for you all to read :) I apologise that there will be some text msg speak in this chapter...

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. I own memories of seeing Major Lazer over the weekend - fuck yeah!

Song recs: Why'd you only call me when you're high? – Arctic Monkeys, What Now – Rihanna

_Kenny__: It's been on your mind the last six years, you could have mentioned something._

_Denise__: When? When you were ignoring me in the halls, when you were writing Denise Flemming is a tampon on my locker Freshman year!_

_Kenny__: I did not write Denise Flemming is a tampon._

_Denise__: Right, just like you didn't destroy my Cabbage Patch Kid in second grade._

_Kenny__: Second grade! Besides, I admitted that right away._

_Denise__: No you didn't! When I picked her up her head fell off and you started to cry. It kind of tipped me off._

_Kenny__: I did not cry!_

_Denise__: Okay._

_Kenny__: Fine! I told John Kiseman to write Denise Flemming's a tampon. I felt really bad after._

_(Can't Hardly Wait)_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

_Messages: 206-506-6995_

_Mon, 30 Aug 2012, 10:30am_

_Hi Bella. I hope u don't mind that I text u. Just wanted to txt u my number so u can let me know a good time to catch up._

_Messages: 206-506-6995_

_Mon, 30 Aug 2012, 10:40am_

_It's Edward by the way._

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Mon, 30 Aug 2012, 10:45am_

_Edward Cullen, that is. Sorry. I just wanted to make sure._

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Tues, 31 Aug 2012, 04:31pm_

_Hey. I know u said u'd let me know when u are free, but I have pretty full on shifts coming up the hospital over the next few wks. But I am free this w/end if u wanted to catch up? Let me know._

_Messages: Angie Mobile_

_Wed, 1 Sept 2012, 11:35am_

_R we still meeting 4 lunch? Al has meeting and can't make it. Oh, and Ben says that EC has been acting weird all wk._

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Wed, 1 Sept 2012, 11:36am_

_Yeh, same time same place! Sucks Al won't b there. Do u know why EC been acting weird?_

_Messages: Angie Mobile_

_Wed, 1 Sept 2012, 11:38am_

_I reckon its cos u r ignoring him. Have u replied to him yet? Ben says he thinks "it's a girl" LOLOLOLOLOL! I didn't let him in on the secret BTW ;) Neway, leaving office now – c u soon._

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Wed, 1 Sept 2012, 11:50am_

_Urgh I'm running slightly l8 – fucking crazy di cornered me abt work. And no, I haven't replied to him yet – don't want to/don't know what to say?_

_Messages: Angie Mobile_

_Wed, 1 Sept 2012, 12:00pm_

_No prob, got us a table and ordered ur miso soup ;) We will talk abt EC when u get here._

_Messages: Rose Mobile_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 10:30am_

_How's things with the asshole? Oh, and Em wants 2 know what we're doing 4 ur bday!_

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 10:35am_

_Why is every1 so interested w/ him? It's like I have no identity ne more *sob* As 4 bday I don't want to do nething!_

_Messages: Rose Mobile _

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 10:37am_

_Bcuz I'm laying here with swollen ankles and a fat preggers ass! I am living vicariously thru u now – single and interesting and being courted by douches. BTW not having a bday party IS NOT AN OPTION._

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 10:40am_

_Oooo CAPS, I'm scared! ;p No bday plz. Or maybe just family 4 dinner. Something small._

_Messages: Rose Mobile_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 11:30am_

_BORING. But OK cos I can't drink neway. Hey, can u meet me at coffee shop this afternoon at 2?_

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 11:31am_

_OK, usual place at 2_

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 2:15pm_

_Hey Bella. It's Edward Cullen. Just checking that you received my messages earlier this week? Just in case there have been phone probs – that's happened to me before. Are you free this weekend? Hope you are well._

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 2:20pm_

_Hi Edward, sorry I have been really busy this week and forgot to reply. I am doing a couple of things already this weekend, but what did you have in mind?_

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 2:22pm_

_Hey Bella, that's ok I understand. Are you free on Sunday? For a couple of hours?_

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 2:24pm_

_I'm free after 10:30am._

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 2:25pm _

_Can you meet me at 12pm at Woodland Park? I will bring a packed lunch. Are you allergic to anything?_

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Thurs, 2 Sept, 2:40pm_

_Packed lunch? And no, not allergic to nething._

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 2:42pm_

_Yeah I figure we could walk around the park after to talk?_

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 2:46pm_

_Can you meet me at soccer field 7 at 12?_

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 5:00pm_

_OK_

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Thurs, 2 Sept 2012, 5:01pm_

_Cool, c u then_

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Sat, 4 Sept 2012, 10:30am_

_I need to get ur autograph …_

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Sat, 4 Sept 2012, 11:00am_

_Er … why?_

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Sat, 4 Sept 2012, 11:02am_

_I __read an article you wrote ;)_

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Sat, 4 Sept 2012, 11:04am_

_Which one?_

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Sat, 4 Sept 2012, 11:05am_

_The one on US Embassies in Egypt and Yemen. It was really interesting._

_Messgaes: Bella Swan_

_Sat, 4 Sept 2012, 11:06am_

_Oh, glad you enjoyed it …_

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Sat, 4 Sept 2012, 11:10am_

_It made me feel very informed :)_

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Sat, 4 Sept 2012, 5:15pm_

_Just confirming that you are still ok for tmw?_

_Messages: Bella Swan_

_Sat, 4 Sept 2012, 06:30pm_

_Yes_

_Messages: The Wanker_

_Sat, 4 Sept 2012, 6:31pm_

_Cool. C U then._

XXX

_Shit, I'm running late. Like twenty minutes late! _But it had been impossible to get Emmett out of my apartment after the gym without telling him why I needed him to get lost. When I finally told him why I needed him to leave, I still got stuck listening to a ten minute lecture from him about 'being careful'. So now I am running towards the area Edward asked to meet me at and I'm pretty sure that I must look like a mess.

_Because you totally care what Edward Cullen thinks about you?_

_Shut up, brain._

For the record, I don't care what Edward Cullen thinks of me, I just don't want to look like a dishevelled, sweaty, homeless person when I meet people for lunch – even people I really don't care for. I do believe that most people refer to it as having a modicum of self-respect.

Okay, so I still can't believe that I'm meeting Edward Cullen for lunch. I completely blame Rose, actually. Luckily for him, and unluckily for me, one of his texts (in a long line of them, I would like to add) was sent when Rose and I were having coffee. Rose is adamant that I need to confront him for closure … or at least hear what he has to say. She seems to think it will help me in the long run for some reason. Personally, I think she's gone nuts because she's pregnant, but she got her hands on my phone and replied in the affirmative to him. So now I am stuck meeting with him. Trust me when I say that I almost cancelled several times already. The only thing stopping me was the knowledge that he'd just continue asking until I caved … Apparently Edward Cullen is extremely tenacious.

My phone suddenly rings and I pull it out of my pocket, and fumble awkwardly with my phone when I see who the caller is.

"Hello?" I greet.

"Bella?" Edward Cullen's smooth, deep voice fills my ear.

"Er … hi," I say as I pick up my pace.

"Is everything okay?" he asks, actually sounding concerned. "Are you still coming?"

"Yeah, sorry, I'm almost there. It seems like everything is working against me to make it on time."

"Oh good," he breathes, the relief obvious in his tone. It made me feel weird to hear it. "How far away are you?" he asks.

"Um, I just passed the sign," I say, looking at it and then looking at the field. It's busy for a Sunday, but I spot Edward almost straight away. His height and messy bronze hair make him quite easy to notice. "I can actually see you now," I reply.

"Oh, really?" he asks and I watch as he looks around, and when he spots me I feel immediately self-conscious.

He begins walking towards me and we both hang up. I take a few deep breaths and try to smile but I'm pretty sure it looks more like a grimace. It doesn't seem to deter him though, his smile is wide and bright, his gait confident, as he makes his way towards me. He looks to be carrying some kind of picnic basket which would look dorky being carried by anyone else, but he makes it look sophisticated.

_Of course, he could model derelicte Zoolander-style and people would take it seriously_.

_Shut up, brain._

"Hey," he greets when he's finally standing in front of me.

"Hi," I reply, tucking some wayward hair back which had fallen over my face in my hurry to get to the park. "Sorry I'm late. I got held up," I say in the most civil tone I can manage.

"It's okay, thank you for coming," he replies and gestures for me to walk with him.

We walk over towards a shaded area and Edward lays out a blanket which was kept in a special compartment of the picnic basket. He then begins pulling food out of the picnic basket and gestures for me to sit.

"I wasn't sure what you'd want, so I just brought a bit of everything," he explains as he organises the food.

A bit of everything indeed … It looked like he had packed for a week away, not just a lunch. Overdoing it much? Lucky I was hungry from the gym. I could see salad, some sandwiches, fruit and yoghurt, as well as soda.

"Wow, it looks lovely," I say truthfully as I look down at the fresh food. "You really didn't need to go to all of this trouble," I add – because that's also true. He really didn't need to and now I'm just going to feel ungrateful if I'm rude to him and throw it back in his face.

_Even though he would have done that to you once upon a time?_

And these were the thoughts that I was constantly warring with. Why should I even give him the time of the day? Yes, maybe it would help me having a confrontation, as Rose had so adamantly hinted at. But did it really matter in the end? It probably would have been just as satisfying to tell him to fuck off and proceed to be nasty to him in every social situation from here on in.

"Well, dig in," he says, completely oblivious to my thoughts, as he sits back with a sandwich.

I push away the thoughts and look at the food. I reach for what looks like a Mexican bean salad.

"Those are really good," he says, nodding at my selection.

"You made it?" I ask, taking the lid off and reaching for a fork.

He looks down at his sandwich. "No … There's a really great gourmet place near me and I kind of live off their food." He looks a bit guilty. "Trust me when I say their cooking is much better than mine."

I take a mouthful of salad and the black beans, rice, coriander, tomato and onion make an amazing combination. "It's lovely," I finally say once I finish chewing.

He smiles and takes another bite of his sandwich. We both sit in silence for what feels like an age, concentrating on our food. Every now and again I catch him looking at me, but he quickly glances away when I return his stare.

I thought he wanted to talk? Were we just going to sit in stilted silence? After he awkwardly coughs and looks like he is about to say something but then closes his mouth and concentrates on his drink, I decide enough is enough.

"So," I begin, "You wanted a chance to talk to me?" I stare at him with a raised eyebrow. God, could this be any more uncomfortable?

My question breaks him out of whatever weird trance he's in and his head shoots up to look at me.

"Ah, yeah," he finally replies. "Sorry … I'm just … I just wasn't sure where to start …"

"Well, sometimes people start with an apology … that might be nice," I mutter and look back down at my food, feeling embarrassed about the whole thing.

"That's the thing," he says, "I don't know how …" He huffs out a laugh and runs a hand through his wild hair.

I stare at him incredulously. What does he mean, he 'doesn't know how'? How hard is it to apologise to me? My feelings must be clear on my face because he suddenly holds his hands up in surrender.

"No, no, that's not what I mean," he says. "I just … I've been thinking about what you said the other day, you know, about tying things up in neat bows and expecting everything to be okay … well, I guess I just feel like no matter what I say, it's not going to convey how sorry I truly am."

I stare at him in shock. He looks down and fiddles nervously with one of his shoelaces. When he looks up at me again, his gaze is intense and it makes me want to turn away.

He lets out a deep breath and stops fiddling. "I'm sorry, Bella, truly sorry for what I, um, did to you in school. I know it's just words, but I mean every single one of them. I just hope that you can forgive me … Um, you know, I understand if it's not straight away. Well I accept that now. I'm sorry about how much I've pushed you since seeing you again. I was just so determined … and, ah, I just want …" he trails off, breaking eye-contact with me and whatever he was planning to say dies on his lips.

I bite down on my bottom lip, my heart hammering like it will break through my chest. Honestly, I was expecting him to apologise –knew he would, and ever since that night where he asked me if he could talk to me, I had ran over this conversation a million times; what he would say, how I would respond … how I would feel.

And even though I had pictured it so many times, it still doesn't prepare me for those words. A large part of me feels incredibly angry; the part that constantly reminds me of what he and his friends said and did. Of how alone I often felt, of how worthless I felt for so long … that angry part of me still has the loudest voice.

I finally look up at him. "Why?" I whisper.

"What?" he asks, obviously not hearing me.

"Why? I mean, why were you like that?" I kind of hope that there's some kind of justification, some sort of logical explanation which will explain his cruelty.

He must see it in my eyes, and he looks down again, his cheeks colouring a light pink. "I was an asshole, Bella. I, ah …" He rubs the back of his neck, frowning. "_Shit _… I imagined this conversation so many times and I can't … can't say it right. But, I, um, I was just an asshole."

I furrow my eyebrows … so there it is; my high school experience had been determined by someone whose only agenda was to be cruel. At least I finally had confirmation. The cruelty had no meaning, no justification. For some reason that makes me feel worse than if it were because he had a terrible home life or a drug problem or just anything other than the fact that he was a little asshole.

I let out a deep breath. "I guess I hoped that maybe if there was a reason … a justification … I could maybe understand why I was …"

"Treated so horribly?" he finishes for me.

I pull my knees up and wrap my arms tightly around them so I can rest my chin on them, looking everywhere but at him.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs.

I look upwards, controlling the tears that prick at the corners of my eyes. I refuse to cry in front of him. We're silent for a long time. What's said is now said, and I need to process it, try to understand it … He claims to have no excuses for his behaviour, so a part of me now wonders what's changed. What's caused him to suddenly want to apologise and seem like a decent person?

"Can I ask you something?" I look at him, resting my cheek on my raised knees.

He looks at me in that intense way that makes me squirm. "Yeah … sure. Anything."

"What made you suddenly _want_ to apologise?"

He looks far away for a moment and I watch as his eye scan the park before he finally turns to face me. "Because it happened to me," he says quietly that I almost miss it completely.

My mouth drops open slightly. "What?"

He lets out a humourless chuckle. "As a medical student I was bullied by one of my supervisors."

"Seriously?" I ask.

"Yeah … did you know that bullying in medical professions is really common?" He sounds like he is reciting from a textbook.

"… No, I didn't. Um, how?" I ask before quickly looking away. "Sorry, you don't have to tell me … I don't mean to pry."

He lets out a long breath. "No … I think it's fine for you of all people to ask and it's been some time since it happened anyway. I want to tell you …"

I remain silent. Some of the humiliations he put me through in school I would _never_ be able to talk about. Even Alice and Angela, who knew many of the things Edward had said to me, didn't know everything and they never would. The only person who knew the full story was the man currently sitting across from me. That thought made me feel bizarre … that we were sitting here, all these years later, and he knew _everything_ … the things I deemed too humiliating to discuss. It made me feel strangely vulnerable, and weird that he wanted to talk to me after maintaining for so many years that I was worthless. Perhaps that's why he was willing to discuss his humiliation to me? To try and even out some imaginary playing field between us? I stop thinking when I realise that he has started talking.

"When I first started rotations, I was doing Med School in California. Everything was going great … until I came under the supervision of Aro Volturi." He runs a hand through his hair and I can tell he's in deep thought as he recalls his story. "At first everything was fine. Dr Volturi was complimentary of my skills … he had even started to make comments about me not having to worry about a job after graduation, as in, I could have my pick ... He took me under his wing, said that I reminded him of himself when he was my age and so on … I used to go to his home for parties, you know, so I could mingle with other highly respected doctors … and I suppose that's where it went to shit."

I was confused, how did this relate to bullying? It sounded more like something positive, if anything. "I don't understand?"

"Aro's wife, Sulpicia, seemed to take a particular shine to me," he said, and by the tone in his voice indicated that it wasn't in a mother-son way.

"Oh … did you get involved with her?"

"No!" He gave me a guilty look at his outburst. "Sorry, it's just if you met her, you'd understand … she's one of those Hollywood housewives … you know, completely plastic, shallow, still chasing her youth."

"Okay …" _I thought that would be right up your alley, considering the female company you kept in school._

"Besides, Aro was a good supervisor and I wanted to stay in his favour. Screwing around with his wife would not have been a great idea."

"Right … so, what happened to—"

"Make it all go bad?"

"Yeah."

"She was relentless … and delusional. I don't know how she got it in her head, but she seemed to think I was interested in her, when I had been simply polite to her; nothing more, nothing less. But … she began showing up at the hospital, showing up at my apartment with 'housewarming' gifts or food, calling me to ask advice on ridiculous things or talking about really inappropriate topics. Basically just using any excuse to be around me."

"Wow…"

"And she was so blatant about it … even in front of Aro. It was kind of disturbing."

"So I take it Aro wasn't too pleased about this?" I ask.

"Yeah, that's an understatement. The problem is that Aro seemed to think that I reciprocated the feelings thanks to Sulpicia causing situations which looked compromising for me. He confronted me and I tried to explain … tried to tell him that nothing happened, but he didn't believe me …" Edward looks down at his hands and then looks back up at me. "Things started off small … like, he began working me harder … at first I didn't really notice because you already work hard in medical school, but the pace picked up. In a way, I was glad for it, I wanted to prove to him that I was a hard worker, that it would somehow prove my honesty …"

I nodded, urging him to go on. My journalist instincts had kicked in by now and I wanted the story.

"Then he started humiliating me in front of patients; patronising and making me look incompetent and stupid. I could still sort of handle that … but then he started doing it in front of other doctors and the nurses too. No matter what I did, it was never good enough. It started affecting my sleeping, and then my life in general. I was over-tired, stressed, and anxious … I did actually start making mistakes – not many, but enough where Aro could make a big deal about it."

"Didn't anyone notice?" I ask, curious. Not that I'm expecting him to say yes. Many people – teachers included – turned a blind eye when I was bullied. Most people don't want to get involved or try to offer sympathy once something had already occurred.

"If they did, they didn't say anything," Edward replies. "That was my own fault though. I went in there arrogant, and didn't exactly endear myself to anyone, especially when I earned Aro's favouritism early on. I think the other students were just glad that the heat was off them. He could be quite cruel …"

I couldn't help it; I let out a humourless snort. _You'd know_, I thought.

"I know, okay?" he replies, and I have to look away from his imploring gaze, it's as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking.

"It's just—"

"Yeah, I'd know, wouldn't I?" he asks.

I swallowed, uncomfortable at how transparent I was. "So what ended up happening?" I ask, hoping to put the focus elsewhere.

"I managed to get a bit of time off … third year hadn't started yet, so summer holidays were still a possibility. I went home and my Mom took one look at me and knew there was something wrong with me. I tried to brush both of my parents off … but … it came to a head and managed to all come out."

"So what did your Mom and Dad say?" I was truly curious about this.

"Mom was furious … Dad was as well, but was a bit more level-headed than Mom … well, he sat me down and told me that there were a lot of bullies in our field, and that it was kind of accepted as everyone puts up with it … but he also said that Aro was definitely out of line with some of the things he did. To cut a long story short, Dad told me to start recording things in a journal, you know, keep records."

"Your Dad is smart." I can't help the small smile that comes to my face as I recall the number of times Carlisle had stitched my clumsy ass up in Forks Hospital.

"Yeah, he is," Edward says softly. "So, I began recording things, and I also confronted his wife … and to cut a long story short, complaints were made … the hospital board got involved and things got really … messy."

"I can imagine."

He lets out a humourless chuckle. "Yeah … in the end I finished all my qualifications in Washington at U-Dub … I wanted to move back to be closer to my family. I was sent back here with outstanding recommendations from everyone … including Aro—"

"What?!"

"It was all part of the agreement …"

It all dawns on me. "He kept his job, didn't he?"

Edward looks away, but nods. "It was part of the deal … he had been failing me – well almost. I had been going downhill, but I didn't deserve to fail. The board and the University made a deal with me … I just wanted to go home, Bella. I just wanted it to go away … I never wanted things to escalate the way they did, but sometimes things are out of our control."

I stare at him, horrified. "Edward, you do realise that this man could be bullying other students?"

Edward looks down and I see him swallow heavily. "It's the way things happened. I'm not exactly happy about the fact he even kept his job … but the hospital board promised to watch him more closely. He didn't exactly walk away unscathed."

I don't reply, and we sit in silence, lost in our thoughts. Until Edward speaks again.

"You know, I saw you when I went back to Forks that summer …"

"Huh?" was my oh-so-intelligent reply.

"You were back for the summer … I don't know. I saw you at the supermarket. You obviously didn't see me. I hadn't seen you since graduation; you had … um—"

"Changed a lot?" I reply in a dry tone.

He rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah … but I still recognised you straight away. You looked really … happy."

I thought back to when that would have been. Thinking about his residency, and schooling, I would have probably already been out working … Emmett and I would have already been training together judging by his comments.

"I thought about approaching you …" he trails off. "But you were with some guy and well …"

"I would have probably punched you," I reply bluntly. There was no way I was at the same mental level then that I was now, especially with people like Edward Cullen.

"Yeah, well I don't blame you. But you looked, well, great, and it hit me when I saw you that this was my karma or something. I hadn't given my treatment of you in school much thought until that moment, when I realised that I was just as bad, maybe even worse than Aro."

I didn't reply because I didn't disagree with his statement.

"So, I realised that this was some kind of retribution … I felt even more disgusting than how I felt when I was being berated by Aro. Because I realised I deserved it …"

I still wasn't able to speak, so I bit down on my bottom lip and played around with my salad.

"It was sort of a trigger, you know?" he continues. "Like I had been given some grand view of my life and how on the surface, it looked so great … medical school, never wanting for anything, even the women I dated. I had a nightmare that night that I never forgot."

I finally turned to look at him. "What?"

"I dreamt, or I should really say it was a nightmare, that I was Aro … Hollywood mansion, fake plastic wife and all. In the nightmare I drowned underneath a gigantic lilo in my pool." He huffs out a laugh at the end and I can't help but let out a little chuckle as well.

"What a way to go," I muse.

"Tell me about it," he says, a small smile curling his lips.

We sit in silence for a long while. It's a lot to take in, what he's just shared. I mean, it still doesn't justify what he did, but because he went through something similar he at least seems to understand how hurtful he was … how wrong his behaviour was.

"I'm a different person now, Bella," he says, causing me to jolt slightly.

I exhale loudly. "I … accept that." At his surprised look, I continue. "I get it; it's not hard to understand, Edward. You sort of had an intervention. It caused you to change the path you had been on. It happens to a lot of people …"

"Yeah," he says and gives me a tentative smile.

And despite what he's just told me, and the fact that I _get it_, I don't like that smile. Yes, what he's told me explains why he's different _now_, but I am still having a lot of difficulty reconciling that with the asshole I went to school with.

Don't get me wrong, I'm an adult, and I know it would have taken a bit of guts for him to tell me all of that … but it isn't a free pass to my forgiveness or my friendship. All it means is that he understands how awful it is to be on the other end of someone's asshattery. And that he hopefully treats people a whole lot better now.

After a bit more stilted conversation, I feel relieved when we finally start packing away the food and Edward stands and offers to help me up. I pretend not to see and get up by myself. His hand awkwardly goes back to his side and I give him an 'oops, I didn't notice' look.

_You aren't as slick as you think you are, you know._

_Shut up, brain._

"So, um, did you want to have a look around or something? Like hang out?" he asks, his free hand awkwardly running through his hair.

"Oh!" _No!_

"I mean, I could go put this in the car," he says and gestures to the picnic basket, "and we could go get a drink?"

"Oh, sorry Edward, I can't. I actually have to …" _pick my fingernails, watch season five of Breaking Bad … wash my imaginary cat …_

"Look, it's okay, I get it," he says and his voice is even, even though he's looking away and when he finally faces me again, he looks straight down.

Why do I feel like I've kicked someone's puppy? How is it that I feel bad?! This isn't fair! He was here to apologise and I don't have to hang out with him if I don't want to!

"No, I actually have a doctor appointment … it was the only time they could fit me in—"

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" he demands, face all serious.

"Oh, it's the optometrist … sorry, I just need to get new contacts and … yeah." I look down blushing a bit. I totally don't need to go to the optometrist – it's a complete lie … but I didn't want to spend the afternoon with Edward. And I also didn't want to be a bitch about his offer – _don't judge me! _ I just couldn't handle that kicked puppy look.

He lets out a breath. "Oh, okay, no problem."

"Yeah … sorry, it's last minute but yeah. And they're doctors too. So …"

"Yeah … yeah. So, um, do you need a lift or anything?"

"Nah, it's cool. I drove, so…"

"Right."

_Well, this isn't awkward at all. _"Okay … well, thanks for lunch, Edward. I'll see you later." I turn and begin walking but then I realise my error and my propriety makes me turn back around. I'm surprised that he's still standing there watching. "Edward?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for talking to me … about, you know. I appreciate your honesty." And I really did, in a way. He could have made up an excuse like peer pressure or something equally stupid, but he didn't. He was honest … which made me hate him a little less than I did before.

"No problem."

"Okay, well just so you know. Bye," I say before I give him a small wave and begin walking again.

"Bella?" he calls out suddenly.

I turn around and stare at him again.

"Are we … um," he rubs the back of his neck. "Are you, you know, okay with me?"

My mouth opens but nothing comes out straight away. How am I supposed to answer that? "We'll see," I garble out awkwardly, sounding like my mouth is full of marbles.

_What the hell!_

_Oh, I don't know … I give up, you know_.

I want to scream when he smiles like I've given him a bone.

_Puppy, indeed._

* * *

**AN: **So there you have it ... the explanation. DUN DUN DUN!

I just want to say that no, this of course does not excuse his behaviour at school and Bella is not just going to forgive him now. Just because he's learnt how to empathise with her and veered off the course of douchebaggery, doesn't mean everything will be perfect and hunky dory!

So, what do you all think? Curious as always to hear thoughts. Should I let Edward drown under a pool lilo, or does he deserve a second chance? Do you think Bella was too easy on him? Should she have thrown her salad on his head? I think it would have been a waste of food ... but EH.

Thank you for all your reviews, faves and alerts. Reviews are like the sweetest little payment for a chapter written! :)

Cheers

HFW


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **Hi, welcome to chapter 6! Firstly, big shout out to my Aussie readers – I hope you all had a great Australia Day long weekend ^^

Well, interesting reactions on the last chapter. I think there was a pretty even split between those who thought Bella was too easy/nice towards Edward, compared to those who thought she reacted fine. That's okay, and I have this story planned in a certain way, so I won't be changing that. Needless to say, please don't think that Edward will have an easy ride, even with his confession and subsequent apology. I know I said this in the last AN I made in Ch5, but I feel as though I need to reiterate it.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

_Epperley: This is real life, not some Hollywood chick flick where a girl with a scrunchie gets a makeover and triumphs in the end._

_Blair:I have never owned a scrunchie._

_Epperley: I think I read that in your résumé. _

_(Gossip Girl)_

XXX

Song recs: Ways to Go by Grouplove, Bravado by Lorde, Caress Your Soul by Sticky Fingers

* * *

A couple of days had gone by since I had met and had lunch with Edward. A couple of days since he had basically spilled his guts about how he was a changed man and blah, blah, blah. So it was after dinner when I decide to open my rarely-used Facebook profile to find a rather surprising notification:

_You have a friend request._

_Edward Cullen_

_You have 7 friends in common._

_Add to a friend list._

_Confirm._

_Ignore._

Decisions, decisions.

My eyes linger on the confirm/ignore option, specifically, the ignore option. I then look at the whole request all over again, still in slight shock.

_Seven friends in common!_

_And just who would they be?_

I clicked on the link that would allow me to see and look over the list … Ben, Angela (traitor!), and some people form Forks that surprisingly included Jane!

_What the hell, Jane?_ I thought we had made a pact to hate Edward Cullen until the end of time!

_Would you say that you still hate him?_

_Shut up, brain!_

I huffed loudly, feeling betrayed for some reason. Even though, when I thought about it, I hadn't actually spoken to Jane for a few years outside of Facebook, of course. _Some friend I am! _In fact, the last time I saw her was when we both happened to be in Forks at the same time. She was now living in California, married to some guy named Demitri.

But back to the friend request … should I, or shouldn't I accept? If I accepted would it be some kind of signal that we were becoming actual real life friends? He would have seen that my friend list is kept quite small – by choice, I would like to add – so not just anyone can view my profile. I mean, Alice has hundreds of friends, but that just seems crazy to me. Why would you be Facebook friends with someone you wouldn't speak to in real life?

But I digress. Did I really want to become Facebook friends with someone who I had happily included on my nemesis list … up until recently?

But just because I had removed him from the top spot on my shit list didn't mean that I wanted him in my life on a regular basis. I mean sure, the guy had apparently seen the error of his ways, but just because we had shared experiences in bullying didn't mean we were meant to become friends or anything.

I understood the need to apologise to the people he had wronged in the past, but why was he trying to push us into a friendship? It just seemed forced and … weird.

With a flash of irritation I click out of the notification box, neither accepting nor ignoring the request, and quickly went about browsing my news feed.

_If you really didn't want to be friends you would have selected the ignore and block option._

_Shut up, brain._

XXX

"So do you think it helped to talk to him?" Rose asks, looking a little bit too pleased with herself after I had been practically forced to give her every single detail regarding my meeting with Edward the other day.

I'm tempted to roll my eyes and tell her to that she is completely in the wrong but I can't lie to save my life.

"Well?" she prods, sounding impatient.

"Yeah, it did—"

"I knew it!"

"Calm the fuck down, Dr Phil," I huff at her.

"Well, I was right. It gives you some closure right?"

"You assume I was hung up on it in the first place." I roll my eyes at her.

"You were! Bella, you can't fucking lie to the girl who had to wear a back-brace for most of High School. Trust me; we have more in common than you think."

"You didn't tell me that!" I accuse. Rose had never mentioned this to me; I was a tiny bit angry at her now.

Rose looks away. "The only one who really knows - outside of my own family - is Emmett … oh, and your Mom. It's not exactly something I like to broadcast, you know."

"So you weren't always … you?"

"If that's your way of asking if I wasn't always as hot as I am now," she smirks and does a twirl, "then yes. I was once 'brace back Hale'."

My mouth drops open. "Oh my god, I feel like I don't even know you now …"

"Shut up, you do know me. Just because I don't like to talk about my geek days doesn't mean anything. Besides, it's not like you talk much about your school days either."

She was right; I didn't like to talk about them. Who would? It wasn't like I had anything much to share except for how much of a social pariah I was anyway. "Touché," I reply simply.

"So if anyone can understand what you are going through right now, it's me."

I raise an eyebrow at her. "You had an Edward Cullen or something?"

Rose looks away and lets out a great big sigh. "Yes, and he went by the name of Royce King."

"Seriously?"

"Yes …"

"Well, don't leave me hanging. What happened?"

"Pretty much the same thing that happened to you … he made my life a living hell in school and then he saw me a few years later and unlike you, he didn't even recognise me."

"So what happened?"

"Well, he was interested in me, of course …" she trails off and flicks her hair. I sigh in annoyance; sometimes she was so vain.

"And?"

She let out a large breath. "I fucked him."

"Rose!"

"What? He was, and still is, hot. Why not?"

"But he was awful to you-"

"Yeah, but once I fucked him I dumped him … not before publicly humiliating him, of course."

"Real mature." I roll my eyes for what feels like the millionth time. "What exactly did you do to him?"

"Hey, don't judge me! He deserved it … unlike your former nemesis; there was no 'intervention' or taste of his own medicine to sway him from his path of evil. Royce was still the same asshole he had been in school. Besides, all I did was ruin his engagement to some poor girl who is no doubt better off without the asshole."

"Rose!"

"What?!"

"I'm not sure how I feel about you procreating with my brother now …"

Rose scoffs. "Oh please, you know I love Em and would never treat him badly. This all happened when I was, like, twenty one."

Okay, I didn't necessarily agree with what she had done, but at the same time I could understand her motivations, even if they were still plain wrong in my books. "Still …"

"Still nothing. All I'm saying is that I can empathise with you. And with people like that, you need closure. My revenge on that asshole was my closure."

"Right …" I still wasn't so sure about Rose's ideas on closure, or 'revenge' for that matter, but I really did not feel like arguing the point with her.

"But, you have taken a slightly different path—"

"_Slightly?_"

"Okay, completely different path. But you can be in the room without wanting to kill him now … which means closure in my books."

It doesn't mean we're friends now or anything!" I say before sighing heavily and taking a generous sip of the coffee she had made me. "It's weird. I feel as though he has just pushed his way into my life and things that I didn't exactly want to think about any more are now just popping up at the most random times. You know … memories and stuff."

"Okay, want to know what I think?" she questions.

"About Edward?"

"Duh!" she replies.

I roll my eyes. "Fine. What do you think?"

"I think he _like _likes you," she says.

"Urgh, not this again. Shut the fuck up."

"And I'm not even saying this to be annoying, or to tell you to date the fucker... But, what, you don't believe me?"

I huff. "I'm not a complete idiot. Why would he be asking about whether I was seeing anyone if he wasn't …" _interested_. Urgh, even saying the word in my mind is weird, so weird that I can't even say it out loud. I feel myself blush at the thought. It's just embarrassing …

"You can't even say it!" Rose says.

"Because it's weird and creepy!"

"Why?"

"Gee, I don't know, maybe because when I previously knew him he made my life hell. And what? He sees me a decade later and suddenly likes me?"

"You're a beautiful, smart, and kind person. Any guy would be crazy not to. Sucks to be him."

"It's just … _urgh!_ Why! Why can't he just disappear and let my life go back to normal?"

"Because men like him love the drama," Rose replies sarcastically. "Seriously, they do. They're lives have been full of it, from being the most popular guy in school to being a … doctor in an emergency ward. People like that … they don't even realise they attract it, but they still thrive off it."

"What, drama?"

"Yep, and from what you've told me, I think he's put you on some kind of pedestal."

"What?!" I can't stop my embarrassed squeak.

"Think about it. From what you've told me, he was an ass to you in school, then someone was an ass to him and it pretty much beat him down into the ground, then BAM! Right when he's hitting rock bottom he sees you and it all clicks … he realises that _he_ was that asshole too and karma is a bitch … and there you are looking awesome and unaffected by his years of torment and perhaps he wonders why you are so cool and he is not … then he sees you at the club years later and boo-yah!"

I scrunch my nose. "Boo-yah? I think you're turning into Emmett."

"Whatever. I would bet money on my pedestal theory."

"Regardless, it doesn't _change_ what happened. It doesn't mean I want to suddenly become his friend—"

"I think he wants much more than friendship, Bella."

"No shit, Sherlock. But it ain't gonna happen."

Rose shrugs and looks amused. "He's pretty persistent."

"Tell me about it! It makes me feel weird … and nervous."

"Nervous?" She snort laughs like she always does when she finds something incredulously funny. Okay, perhaps these small "Rose-isms" should have alerted me much earlier to her former geek status.

"Yes, nervous," I reply and look down at my watch. _Shit! The time. _"Sorry, Rose, I'm gonna have to cut this short, I have to get back to work."

"Fine, but it's a lucky escape for you. By the way, I've booked Cafe Campagne for your birthday, is that cool?"

I smile because I love that restaurant. "Sounds great. I'll let Al and Angie know." I pick up my hand bag and walk over to give her a quick hug and kiss. "I'll see you on the thirteenth."

"Okay lovely, see you then," Rose replies as I leave to walk out the door. "And if you ever want to talk about you-know-who let me know."

I roll my eyes, because after hearing Rose's tales of revenge I don't think I really want her advice, as much as I love her. "Thanks." I reply with a smile and am out the door.

XXX

I sat in the Doctor surgery in a daze. It was my birthday and I was pretty sure I was dying. Sniffling, I brought a tissue to my nose and blew it loudly, while trying to avoid coughing all over the office.

I can't believe I'm sick! And even though I don't like to make a huge deal of my birthday, I had really been looking forward to eating at Cafe Campagne tonight. _Urgh_, now I'm sitting here in a stuffy waiting room to see some random doctor because my own GP wasn't in today.

"Isabella Swan?" a harried looking woman calls into the waiting room.

"Here," I reply in possibly the most pathetic voice ever.

I quickly follow the woman into her room and sit in the chair allotted for patients.

"So," the doctor begins. "What seems to be the problem?"

"I think I have a bad flu … and I think it's in my chest," I reply sadly.

"Okay, let me just check you over …" the doctor says.

I sit patiently and let her listen to my breathing with her stethoscope, take my blood pressure, and watch as she clicks away at her computer.

"Are you allergic to anything, Isabella?"

"Er … not that I'm aware of?" I didn't think I was …

"Okay, I believe you have that nasty flu that's going around. There's a little bit on your chest, so I'm going to write a script for some antibiotics, okay?" she says in a kind tone.

"Okay, thanks."

The doctor proceeded to play around on her computer and before I knew it I had the script in my hand and was leaving the surgery. I quickly pulled out my phone and called Emmett.

"Yo, Bella! What's up?" he booms into the phone.

"Hey, Em," I greet sadly.

"Aw, you sound like shit, what's up?"

"I've got, like, the worst flu. I've just left the doctors," I explain with a sniffle.

"Oh, that's crap, Bella."

"Yeah … so I'm afraid I won't make dinner. I don't really feel up to it, and don't want to risk spreading anything to Rose either."

"That sucks, Bell!" Emmett replies. "But just get better, okay?" he implores.

"Okay," I reply meekly as I cross the street to the drug store.

"And let me know if you can't make training, okay?"

"I will," I say as I enter the drug store. "Look, I gotta go, I need this script filled. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay, take care of yourself," Emmett replies. "Let me know if I can do anything."

"Okay, I will," I reply before saying goodbye.

XXX

I'm finally at home, curled up on the sofa, reading my guilty pleasure: smutty fan fiction – _don't judge me!_ – after arriving home and taking my antibiotics.

Urgh, I feel like absolute shit, so hopefully these antibiotics start working as soon as possible. I could barely move this morning because my temperature was running so high. I hadn't been this sick in a very long time, and considering I rarely did get sick, I was taking the whole situation pretty badly.

_Man Flu, eat your heart out_.

I stretch out on the couch and rub my feet. Suddenly, I'm overcome with the strangest feeling as my legs and arms start tingling. I begin to panic as my lips and throat immediately swell. I feel like there are small pin pricks being made all over my body. I force myself to sit up as I feel my heart rate increase and my breathing begins to feel laboured as I start to panic slightly. Oh fuck, please no ... please no.

_Do not panic!_

I quickly dial 911 and try to calm myself as an operator picks up.

"911. What is your emergency?" the operator asks.

"I think … I think I'm having an allergic reaction," I manage to force out, freaking out more because my tongue is swollen and it feels weird to talk.

"What's your name?" the operator asks.

"Bella Swan," I choke out, trying to hold back tears.

"It's okay ma'am," the operator soothes. "I need your phone number."

I proceed to provide my phone number and then address before the operator assures me that they have sent an ambulance. I just hope they hurry up. I remain seated on my couch and try to stay calm as I wait for the ambulance. Why are they taking so long?

Oh god, what if I'm one of those statistics where the ambulance doesn't make it on time?

_Fuck, stay calm, the ambulance will come! And you are not going to bloody die, you over-reactor!_

My throat is now really swollen and while I feel as though I'm struggling for breath, I think it's more the rapid beat of my heart that is scaring me. I look down at my feet and wince at how swollen they look.

After what feels like forever, but is more likely to be less than ten minutes, my intercom buzzes. With relief I get up to let the paramedics in, who proceed to escort me down to the ambulance. I take the bare essentials with me, weirdly thankful I hadn't whipped my bra off as soon as I got home like I normally would.

_Because let's be thankful for small mercies like wearing a bra to hospital._

The hospital ride is short and as we pull up to Northwest one of the paramedics forces me to sit in a wheel chair, as they escort me into the emergency area. By this stage, my symptoms aren't worse, but they haven't got better either. The paramedics are still concerned though, and stay with me while I provide my medical details.

I'm just thanking one of the paramedics for his help when a voice shocks me out of my system.

"Bella?"

I turn at the familiar voice and see a worried-looking Edward Cullen standing there in his doctor scrubs.

"Um, hi," I say awkwardly.

He quickly strides over, looking concerned as he takes in the wheel chair, myself, and the paramedic.

"What the hell is going on here? Bella, are you okay?" he demanded, wasting no time in grabbing my file from the front desk attendant.

_Eh, and my day couldn't get any more fucked, could it?_

XXX

* * *

**AN**: Poor Bella!

Um the whole allergic reaction thing happened to me. So, I tried to describe what it felt like for me. Obviously some memories were hazy because it was a very scary experience. I'm sure those who have had allergic reactions can relate. That said, I'm not sure if I'm completely happy with this chapter. I sat on it for ages, and edited and re-edited. I found the reaction scene very difficult to write as when you go through something like that it's a lot of emotions to take in. So I apologise if it's crap! *BIG SIGH*

If the hospital scene/paramedic response is unrealistic, again, I apologise. I'm merely going off my own experiences.

What do you think about Rose's advice/story? The Rose in my story wouldn't want to reveal much about an uncool past because she sees it as a weakness. Like many people who go through that and then undergo a transformation, some just want to forget their "less than pleasant" years even happened. Anyway, let's just be thankful Bella is not really interested in taking some of her advice, haha. But I'm still interested to hear what you think about Rose's theories that Edward "loves drama without realising" and has put Bella on a pedestal ... agree/disagree?

I hope this helped you all understand Bella's feelings a bit more post Edward confession. Next chapter Edward is in Doctor mode and Bella is still sicker than the Man Flu (a genuine condition according to my husband *rolls eyes*).

Thanks for reading, and remember that reviews are like payment ^^ I appreciate the support!

Cheers

HFW


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